Bullying

My son is attending Public School for the first time this year. He attended private schools, and then he was home schooled for the last 3 years.

I was in and out of public/private schools my whole life. I'm a fan of public schools. I graduated from a public school, and some how I turned out ok.

Home schooling was good, but there is a social element that is missing. I know that creates a great discord when you say that around other home school parents, but it's true.

I think Christian/private school is the first level of trying to overprotect your child, put them in the "Christian Bubble" and keeping them away from "lost people" or "those people". I've heard it from parents for years. Their kids are "safer" than at a public school. Home Schooling takes that to the next level. At home, your kids don't have to interact or be exposed to anything but what you want them to. I know home school kids tend to be over achievers and way ahead academically. I wonder if it's so that one day they can actually leave the house!

We visited Scribner Middle School before we enrolled my son. I was very impressed. I was also very impressed with their "no bullying" policy.

The p0licy, from what I'm told, was created after there was a large fight in the cafeteria, and afterward they surveyed the students and asked them what was the biggest problem at school. The response was overwhelmingly the same: Bullying.

Webster defines a bully as "a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker".

Considering I was a small fry during my years in school, this was a huge relief for me. My son, on the other hand, is a 5'6", 175 pound 12 year old who's solid as a rock. He's a big kid, but he has a gentle heart. I knew school would be an adjustment for him, but at least I didn't have to worry about him being bullied, or at least not in the same way that webster defines it.

We've raised our children to be kind to others, to be polite. He doesn't curse, doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or date. He's a great kid. He's different because he doesn't do what most 12 year olds do who thinks life is supposed to reflect Mtv's Real World.

His first day of school, a kid half his size tried to pick a fight. He heard more language than he had ever heard. We were expecting that. It's what he began experiencing later that has thrown all of us off.

I guess as we get older, we forget just how mean kids can get. Maybe kids are meaner today than they were when I was growing up.

We probably all remember "sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you". So what happens when you take away the sticks and stones? Your left with verbal abuse.

Since Scribner has a zero tolerance policy, the only way kids can hurt each other without suspension is to verbally attack each other. The shocking part: apparently, the most hurtful words are to call someone "Gay" or "Lesbian".

When tolerance is taught and discussed, and when the teacher asks about gay marriage, it almost unanimous that it should be allowed. Moments later, if you want to cut a schoolmate to the bone, call them gay or lesbian.

As a society, verbal abuse, emotional abuse has somehow become acceptable. It used to be you could work it out on the playground, but now you just get to mentally torture a kid everyday and never get in trouble for it.

Is it a result of more and more adults lacking self control? Is the example of the ex wife/ex husband ripping each apart in front of the children? Is it the verbal freedoms the children witness on television, where somehow it's become comedy to belittle and "punk" someone for your own amusement?

I'm not ranting or feeling sorry for my son. He's strong and is just looking for guidance on how to deal with these situations.

I'm grieving for how these kids, some already suffering from lack of self-esteem, abandonment issues, and abuse at home, are hurting each other everyday in an effort to try to make themselves feel a little bit better about themselves, or maybe even just to feel anything. I'm not sure some of them even know how to make friends, or in this cut-throat world what a real friend even looks like. God knows it's not modeled anywhere on television.

Things escalated the other day. My son came to me telling me about an incident on the bus. He was struck by a girl. Not a slap, but a closed fisted punch that broke the skin and left a bruise. He's ignored her taunts for weeks, and he admits and takes responsibility for taunting her back. When she got off the bus, she took her shot. With her record with "juvie" and her history of in-school suspensions, this was nothing new for her. I have to wonder where she learned to resolve conflict this way.

My son wanted to handle it himself, and meet with her and the guidance counselor at school to try to come to some type of peaceful resolution to this. Unfortunately, he won't have the opportunity. It's a physical act, so now it's escalated and there will be action taken.

This has left me with two thoughts to ponder: If we would take action at the verbal level of abuse, would it escalate to the point of physical action, and what are we really modelling to our children? We say everything on television isn't harmful, but is it any way redeeming or of value?